I had been struggling for months for the elusive goal of becoming close to God. Trying everything that I had, I had eventually almost given up the fight entirely. In fact, the fight was being lost quickly. One night I prayed to God that He would not only help me, but help me to want Him--because I realized that I had not even desired His company or His wisdom for a very, very long time.
This prayer is what brought things around. God changed my heart, He changed my wants and interests around. Then I thought for while about this. Why couldn't I have changed my own desires?
My conclusions:
I do not have free will: will to change what I desire.
I do what I desire.
God is merciful, God has power over all things--God is the only one who can change an unwilling, icy heart into a beating one all over again.
